Christmas Advent Calendar...

Today I've decided that I want to make an advent calendar for the boys. I better hurry up seeing as I only have two days left in this month. I don't know if I want to put little candies or something else in the little boxes. I was thinking maybe getting little ornaments and having them put them on the tree as the days go by. Ok well I'm at least going to get the calendar stared while I decide what I want to put in there. If you have any ideas please feel free to share them with me. I will take pictures as I go and will share how I made it with you. talk to you soon. :)

What depression has been like for me...

I want to talk about something that I don't think gets much attention in this busy world we live in. I want to talk about Depression. I was diagnosed with depression in May. I at first didn't want to believe the diagnosis. I guess deep down I knew that it was true, but it's a very hard reality to face.

I have already shared that I have three wonderful little boys. What I haven't shared is that in 2009 I was pregnant with twins. When I found out I was going to be a mommy again after my two older boys I had mixed feelings. Mostly because we had decided that we weren't going to have any more children. We were very happy with our two boys and felt our lives were complete. I had an IUD placed after I had Aaron because I was told that it prevented pregnancy for five years and since my OB at the time didn't want to do tubal ligation because she said I was too young, I felt that this was the best decision to take. But yes even with the IUD I was pregnant. It was scary because I knew that the pregnancy was at risk because I still had the IUD placed.

The OB that I had chosen his time since I was now living back in MA told me that I was going to have to have the IUD removed, and that it would put the pregnancy at risk of miscarriage. I was 7 weeks pregnant when I had the IUD removed and found out that I was carrying twins. Month after month went by and every day I was thankful to God that my pregnancy continued. I couldn't imagine what our life would be like with out those babies. We were elated when we found out that the twins were girls. Now we though our life would truly be complete.  I was 27 weeks along when while eating dinner I had a very bad stomach ache and went to the bathroom on;y to find that I was hemorrhaging. It was the scariest moment of my life. All I could think about was the danger my girls were facing. I was rushed to the hospital but it was to late. I was having a miscarriage and the babies were in distress. When I arrived at the operating room I was told that the babies no longer had a heartbeat. I felt horrible! I received a DNC to clean the uterus. There I was recovering without my baby girls. All I could think about was how I had felt them move and kick inside me. And the fact that he doctor had told me that because of the DNC I wouldn't be able to have anymore children. That was when my depression started.

At first I thought it was the normal grieving that a person goes thru after such a tremendous loss. Then in October of  2010 I  lost my grandmother. She was more than just a grandmother, she raised me and was my mother. I had a very close relationship with her and it was horrible knowing that I wouldn't be able to see or talk to her again. My depression grew even more.

Shortly after my grandmother passed I received the wonderful news that we were expecting a baby.  A little miracle sent from heaven to remind me just how wonderful God is. It was a pregnancy like no other. I had morning sickness all day and the littlest smell would trigger a run to the bathroom. But I wouldn't change a thing! A little angel was growing inside again.  It was amazing when Matias came int this word and completed our family!! I had my tubes tied and now I can say our family is as it should be. But after Matias turned one and it was still so hard to get out of bed and function I mentioned it to my doctor. She thought that it was postpartum depression and I was put on meds. The Medication helped a little but life was still hard for me to live.

I was living with depression by myself because I never told anyone. I mentioned it to my mother but she told me that there was mo such thing and that it was only something that people made up so they had a reason to be lazy. I didn't have the energy to argue with her so I never brought it up again. It's even harder to live with this horrible sickness If you have to keep it a secret from everyone. I would still force myself to get up and get the boys ready for school. I didn't want to do anything except cry and I kept thinking about how the girls would be 3 this year and how the holidays were coming and it was another year without my grandma. That was when my doctor prescribed one more med and recommended talking to a psychiatrist. So here I am...and thanks to both medicines life is a little easier to handle. I'm just taking everything one step at a time, day by day.

I hope that now that you have read a little more about how I have had to live with this horrible sickness and the reasons that caused it, if you are not living with depression may you be kind to those of us that are. And remember that it's not just an excuse, It's a very hard feeling to get over. And if you are living with depression, know that you are not alone. It does take time to heal, and don't be afraid to get help. If you feel like you can't discuss this with your family or friends, look for support groups and even your own doctor for help. Believe me they won't think you are crazy or making anything up. And they won't judge you. I can also lend an ear, sometimes just having someone to talk to who you know is going thru it helps tremendously.

Thank you for reading and for sharing your comments with me. I hope this helps someone.

Thankful...

It's always so good to spend some time with family during Thanksgiving. Or anytime for that matter. This Thanksgiving I had so many things to be thankful for!! I was especially proud of my little niece Milly who celebrated her very first Thanksgiving as well as being 6 months old & being able to taste the wonders of the feast. 

Gratitude is something that comes to all of us eventually, kids or no kids, as we face enough of life’s challenges and come to the realization that life can be really, really, really hard and unpleasant and downright awful sometimes. Believe me when I tell you that when you face enough shouts from angry customers or red marks from hard to please professors and disrespectful comments from disrespectful people who are supposed to know better, you learn really quickly how to be grateful for those who approach life and humanity in the way that God intended…with respect and courtesy and love.

Call it maturity, call it parenthood, call it the lessons learned from the logic of life, if you like; whatever it is that brought me to this point in my maturation, the fact for me is that I now know that being thankful is something that should come very, very easily.  But don’t people who have very good lives still have very bad things sometimes happen to them? And shouldn’t they have the right to complain from time to time? I mean, no matter how good life is, it is still life and life as we all know by now can be very, very, very hard…I think I said that once already.

What do we really know about being grateful? While we are still in an uproar over the airport security measures that promise to delay us (oh, my!) and possibly embarrass us (the horror!) children are dying daily of Cholera in Haiti, 1 million kids are sold into sex slavery every year, mothers in Africa are dying from a disease that is prevented by a 20 cent drug, and roughly 7,600 people worldwide were infected with HIV, mostly among those living in the world’s poorest, most destitute regions where hope is something they know nothing of…by our definition of the word anyway. Given that contrast of ideas, I would have to say that when it comes to being grateful, most Americans are clueless as to what that word really means. I count myself among the clueless, just so you know. I have been accused of being a bit high maintenance and my accusers are more often accurate than they are not. I work hard to gain the fruits of my labor, yes; but how would I react if I woke up to a world that was drastically different from the one I once knew? How would I respond to a bank account that was wiped out, a refrigerator that was empty, and a car that wouldn’t start? How would I respond to God if he had chosen me or my loved ones for the “challenge” of dealing with a fatal, incurable disease? Truthfully, I do not know. How would you respond to these things?

I think we should be thankful for all things, little and big, and be mindful of those things…every single day. Being thankful and unselfish is not merely reserved for the parents among us, though my experience tells me that there are but a very few blessed and fortunate souls who do not yet have children, but have somehow managed to learn the lessons of the grateful kind :)

All of this talk of America being so abundant is not to say that we do not have more than our fair share of struggles and heartaches right here on the home front. Lord knows millions of Americans live in brokenness and poverty and disease with little hope of change. But the opportunities that exist in this country vastly outweigh those available to the world’s poorest individuals.

The weather today was just perfect! I can't believe that being so late in November it's not cold at all! We headed out to the stores, but not at the wee hours of the morning. We went at like 10 am and I'm happy to report that the deals we were looking for we still found. We spent all day enjoying the beautiful weather and time together as a family.

I sincerely hope that you not only had a wonderful Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it) but that you enjoyed your precious time with your loved ones. Every person in our life is special in one way or another, and I feel that we need to let them know just how special they are because we never know when God will need them by his side.

I am looking forward to the remainder of the weekend with my family!

Talk about Thanksgiving...

This morning when I woke up it hit me, Thanksgiving is next week!!!! I haven't even started decorating let alone planning the menu.

I always host Thanksgiving at my house and this year I'm so excited because we are in our new place! I absolutely love this special holiday, not just because of the food (although it is amazing) but because I get to spend a fun day with my family. I am thinking of using candles this year for the dinner table. I'm thinking of a votive in glass holder wrapped in corn husks. It looks very nice and it's quick and inexpensive.

As you can see I've done these before but for a fall wedding as favors.

I'm thinking of using this idea and adding to it for the centerpiece. Getting a hurricane vase butting one of those thick pillar candles inside and instead of wrapping that in husks, maybe gluing Indian Corn around it and tying with a burlap string. I'll post a picture when I finish it.

I don't have the menu but usually I do turkey, a few veggie dishes and a dessert. Do you have any ideas you can share with me for the menu? I love to try new things!! How about for decorations?

Thanks for reading and sharing with me on how you decorate and celebrate Thanksgiving Day. :)

What I have learned about relationships.

Here I am preparing to celebrate my thirty-fourth birthday. I can’t believe that It’s been sixteen years since I turned eighteen.  Since then, friends and acquaintances have come and gone, boyfriends have come and gone, and I received the great blessing of becoming a mom.  I've found through my years, through my experience with my own personal relationships that there are certain truths that affect the quality and longevity of our relationships, and of course the impact they have on us.  I want to share them with you today in hopes that they save you from a little heartache and confusion.

1.       I believe that in order to truly have a loving, supportive, and long-lasting relationship with someone else, you need to learn how to be your own best friend first.  It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit.

2.      In a few years, people won’t remember what clothes you wore, which car you drove, and maybe not even your full name.  But in a few years, they will remember how you made them feel and the positive memories you gave them.  The impact you make on people will depend on how much you care for those who have less, support those who are striving, and tolerate those who are different than you.

3.      You have to remember that it doesn’t matter what other people think of you.  You wouldn’t worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew just how rarely they do.  No one is ever going to care about your life and the way you choose to live it more than you will. Follow your heart, and take your brain with you every step of the way.  Get to know your true self.  When you are truly comfortable in your own skin, not everyone will like you, but you won’t care about that one bit.

4.      Always follow your intuition.  Following your intuition means doing what feels right, even if it doesn’t look or sound right to others. Friends and family won’t always support your goals, but pursue them anyway.  So don’t worry about what everyone else thinks; keep living and speaking your truth.  The only people that will get mad at you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.  

5.        You have to learn to accept that not everyone is who you once knew.  And realize that sometimes it’s not the person you miss, it’s the feeling you had when you were with them.

6.      Always remember that some people are meant to stay in your heart, but not in your life.  If you’re having a tough time letting go of someone who left you, realize that if they wanted to stay they would still be there.  Sometimes you have to forget what’s gone, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what’s coming next.  It sucks when you know that you need to let go, but you can’t because you’re still hoping for the impossible to happen.  Yes, it will hurt for a while, but you have to forget about the person who forgot about you, and move on.

7.       Believe it or not everyone has baggage, just like you do.  The minute someone decides to walk out of your life, that is the same moment in which the opportunity and space opens up for someone who actually deserves your love to finally walk in.  Remember, everyone has baggage, so don't be ashamed of yours.  Be patient and find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

8.      Also hard to believe is that love doesn't hurt.  Love is not the problem.  Don’t blame love if a failed relationship interfered with your other important relationships, or robbed you of your self-esteem and personal freedoms.  Don’t blame love.  Because it wasn't love that stole from you.  It was possession, obsession, manipulation, and confusion.  Love had nothing to do with it.  Because love doesn't close the door against everything that is good.  It opens it wide to let more goodness in.  Love creates freedom and abundance.

9.      Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a person with strong character to forgive.  When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden.  And no, forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was OK; and it doesn't mean that person should still be welcome in your life.  It simply means you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let go and move on with your life.

10.   I believe that love requires three things: acceptance, honesty, and commitment. Love comes when you care more about who the other person really is, rather than about who you think they should become.  It’s about daring to reveal yourself honestly, and daring to be open and vulnerable over the long-term.  It’s about sticking by each other’s side through thick and thin, and truly being there in the flesh and spirit when you’re needed most.  Remember, the most romantic love story is not Romeo and Juliet who died young together; it’s the story of grandma and grandpa who helped each other through life, and grew old together.

11.    Also a big part of who you become is who you choose to surround yourself with. Fate controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let walk out, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.  Surround yourself with people who make you a better person, and let go of those who don’t.

12.   In my opinion a soul mate is the person who brings out the best in you. They are far from perfect, but they are a perfect fit for you.  Remember, every relationship has its problems, but what makes it perfect is when you wouldn't want to be anywhere else, especially when times are tough. 

I guess you do learn a lot in 34 years :) 

A few good rules I live by.

Isn't it crazy how you always end up where you're meant to be? How even the most stressful situations teach you an important lesson? Lessons that you couldn't have even imagined you were going to learn.  Have you ever thought or felt like you were being pushed away from something good, and later realize that you were actually being redirected to something 100 times better. I have felt like that more times in my life than I would like to admit. I have to stop and remind myself that I can't control everything, and that more often than not I just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. But it's so hard to just sit back isn't it? Sometimes I feel like i'm lost in this world and I want nothing more than to find my true self. Well if you have ever felt like that to, maybe this will help. 

A few years ago I was told by a good friend of mine who is a psychologist that realizing you are lost is the first step to living the life you want. The second step is leaving the life you don't want. Now making a big life change is very scary, but in my point of view regret is even scarier. If our heart is free, why shouldn't we have the courage to follow it? In my life it has been the scary, stressful choices that have ended up being the most worthwhile. I have endured a lot of pain, but without pain there wouldn't have been change. It's because of that change that I now like to live by a few good rules. I want to share these rules of living with you in hopes that maybe they will help you too. 

1. Before befriending others, you have to be your own friend. Before correcting others you have to correct yourself. Before making others happy, you have to make yourself happy. I don't see it as being selfish I see it as personal development.

2. The only thing I think that we can absolutely control is how we react to things that are out of our control. The more flexible we are to adapting to the situations in life, the more powerful our highs will be, and the more quickly we will be able to bounce back from lows in our life. 

3. We have to realize that some people will lie to us. Remember an honest enemy is better than a friend who lies. Pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what they do. Their actions will show you the truth, which will help you measure the true quality of your relationship. 

4. If we concentrate on what we don't have then we will never have enough. But if we are thankful for what we do have then we will end up having more. I believe that happiness lives not in possessions or in riches. Happiness lives inside our souls. I think that abundance is not about how much we have, It's how you feel about what we have. That's why when we take things for granted our happiness gets taken away. 

5. Just because you're not where you want to be today doesn't mean that you wont be there someday. We can turn it all around just by making a simple choice to stand back up, to try again, to love again, to live again or to dream again. We can't judge ourselves by our failures or our past because that is not where we are anymore. 

And last but certainly not least: 6. During times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won't. Of course the sun stops shinning sometimes and we may even get a thunderstorm or two, but eventually the sun will come out again. More times it's just a matter of us staying positive in order to be able to see the sunshine break through the clouds again. 

A day out...

Hi, I hope you remembered to turn back your clock and get that extra hour of sleep. :) 

Yesterday was such a fun day. We went to Mohegan Sun Casino and celebrated my hunny's 35th Birthday! Wow he's getting old, maybe I should trade him in for a newer model. Hahahahaha just kidding.

 If you haven't been there with the kiddos let me just say that it is definitely a family place if you want it to be. When we arrived we were hungry so we headed of to Johnny Rockets. There was a line but it went fast. It also helped that the casino had a clown that was making balloon hats, animals and so forth so it kept us all entertained while we waited. When it was our turn the hostess was very friendly and showed us to our table that already had a high chair waiting for Matias and had a space where we could park our stroller. It made us feel welcome that they had taken the time to prepare the table with everything we needed before seating us. Our waitress was very friendly and took the boys in consideration when ordering and suggesting meals. The food arrived promptly and was delicious! We definitely had a great experience and will return when the boys are with us. 

We then headed to the kids area called Kids Quest. They have an arcade area called Cyber Quest which is priced just right and had games for different age groups. The prizes for when you redeem the tickets could be labeled for less for the quality but the boys were still happy.  Kids Quest also has an area where you can leave your kids with supervision and games as well as a climbing structure and food. They also have a babies and toddler only area.  The prices were also very acceptable, everyone was very friendly and the boys were happy. 

We had a great time!  

Here's the birthday man with Diego :)

Aaron with me

And the baby. 

Do you like free samples?

Good morning, Here we are on November 2nd already! 

I wanted to share a couple links where you can find free samples. 

http://wfr.ee/4Samples   

www.ilovefreethings.com

Also check websites for specific products like Glade or Yankee Candle. They usually list coupons or special savings that they have going on. 

I have requested and received free samples from both links that I shared above. However keep in mind that they do have limited quantities and so not all samples may be available. But they are definitely worth checking them out. 

Have a great day!!

November...

Yesterday after school I took the boys to the mall to trick-or-treat. If you haven't done that yet I highly recommend it. It was great fun! Not to mention that you don't have to worry about the weather. The boys got lots of candies, stickers, and temporary tattoos (My boys are so into that right now). And I got a few goodies too, coupons, free samples, and believe it or not a few $5.00 gift cards! I am definitely taking them to the mall next year again. 

Oh November... It happens to be one of my favorite months followed by December as my second favorite. I absolutely love everything that November means!!! I am a big fan of trying out new recipes so Thanksgiving is definitely a day for me to show off. And all the decorations in those wonderful fall colors! I am also a big fan of crafts. So this year I am planing to make place mats using leaves that we collected from our yard and self laminating sheets. Followed by many other crafts so keep checking my blog to see what crafts I will share with you as well as a few saving secrets that come along which I will also share. 

Thanks again for reading and Happy November!!!!